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Today I am 27 weeks pregnant. According to some sources, this means I am entering my third trimester. According to others, I’m a week away. Either way, I’ve made it a significantly far way into this pregnancy. Give or take an early or late arrival, I have 13 weeks to go.
We’ve made a few exciting changes and upgrades these last few weeks. We went from having tiny hole-in-the-wall closets in both our room and the nursery to having normal-sized closets in both. We painted the nursery. (When I say “we” I mean Mike and my mom painted the nursery. My dad and I were in charge of snacks.) Things are starting to feel like they’re coming along.
As excited as I am about the impending arrival, I’m also finding it impossible not to be stressed about the expenses that keep stacking up. Apparently having a kid costs a lot of money. Who knew? I of course always knew this in an abstract way, but the reality is jarring. For a variety of reasons I’ve had a very dry summer in terms of freelancing, which has coincided perfectly with a pileup of expenses. (One of my main sources of income is for writing that’s used in schools, which during the summer is not in very high demand. I know things will pick up again when September rolls around, but in the meantime my internal voice sounds a little like: Aghhhghggghghghgh!)
We’ve never been a truly “two income” household because although I’ve always had an income, it’s a paltry income that’s used for specific things like groceries and certain bills. Right now while my paltry income is even less than its normal level of paltry, I’m feeling the burn. As insignificant as it feels to “just” buy groceries, I’m realizing now that it actually is a pretty big help. Freely doing this each week without tapping into our joint account was a beautiful thing.
Today is my parents' 43rd wedding anniversary. I feel very fortunate because throughout my life, I was always shown that you don't need a lot of money to build a happy life. I was raised by a journalist and an artist (my mom's pottery studio was in our basement) who created years upon years of happy memories for themselves and their children. So while I do feel the strain of financial stress heavily right now, I feel confident that everything will work out and equally confident that this huge love I feel is the most important thing I can provide for my baby anyway.
Financial stress (which will be worked out soon enough anyway) aside, things are starting to feel more real and exciting as we get closer to November. I’m also starting to feel more pregnant than ever. I’ve of course been pregnant all along, but my belly has now reached a point where it feels uncomfortable throughout the day and night. I finally broke down and bought a pregnancy belt that lifts my belly a bit when I run, which in theory keeps some of the pressure off my bladder and stops me from feeling like I have to pee every two seconds. I don’t know if it fully achieves this goal, but it is a slight improvement.
I’m also still dealing with waning energy, a symptom that never truly went away even during that second trimester so many describe as a magical time in pregnancy. The end of the second trimester is a point in pregnancy when so many women experience a nesting instinct that makes them want to clean and organize everything before the baby arrives. I keep wishing that instinct will kick in for me, but for now my instinct to lie down and take a nap every day is still winning out.
The most exciting thing that happened recently was that Mike felt the baby move for the first time. It was perfect timing, too: he had just professed his love for the baby and placed his hand on my belly when the little cupcake kicked Mike's hand in response. We’ve been trying for many weeks to get him to feel a kick, so it was an exciting and sweet moment for us.
This lady is broke and tired and feeling more physically restricted every day. But I’m also full of love for my husband and our baby and our little family. I love the improvements we made to the nursery. I love the possibility of everything that’s to come. We had fun building our registry and thinking about our future life together. The expenses are relentless and it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by it all, but we’re healthy and happy and getting ready. The hardest part now is trying to sit still and enjoy the next few months instead of rushing forward to November, even though we’re so excited to get there.
P.S. I’ve always loved this song and it seems especially appropriate now.